Chronologically disadvantaged
| On the arcade |
| The Village of the Damned |
| Guestbook |
| Archives |
| Contacts |
| Subscribe |
| About |
 |
| Frunt |
| not important |
| Scaryduck |
I'm back. I'm alive. God alone knows how. This may take some telling. Part the First: No escape 'Twas the night before Christmas/And all through my flat/I heard the phone ringing/And I thought "Fuck that."/But 'tis my mother who's calling/She knows that I'm there/So eventually I pick up/And glumly answer, "Yeah?" Mother: Don't say "Yeah?", say "Who's calling please?". Otherwise you sound common. Me: And a Happy Christmas to you too, Mother. Mother: I'm just calling to check that you're still coming tomorrow. You are still coming, aren't you? Me: Sadly, yes. Mother: Good. Well, I know how terrible you are at timekeeping so I've asked Jasper to come and pick you up bright and early tomorrow morning so you'll be here in time for my mulled wine and mince pies party. Me: I was going to come up by train... Mother: Nonsense. If you try and get here under your own steam we'll be lucky to see you before Boxing Day. Jasper's more than happy to give you a lift. He'll be at your flat tomorrow morning at 8 o'clock on the dot, so you make sure you're ready and don't keep him waiting, do you hear? And I hope you're still bringing your lady-friend... Me: Lucy. Yeah, she's coming. Mother: Oh gooood. I can't wait to see her, she sounded lovely on the phone. Anyway, must dash, I've got mince pies to make. Me: Okay, see you tomorrow. Mother: Oh, and do try to wear something smart, won't you? Last year you looked like one of those layabouts off the council estate. So that was it. All sorted. No hope of deploying the old "sorry I'm so late, train was delayed, leaves on the line, tut-tut damn British Rail, what a shambles, oh-have-I-missed-the-party-what-a-shame" ploy. At 8 a.m. on Christmas morning (8 a.m.! Sweet Christ!) I was going to be whisked to the village of the damned in my cousin's new SUV. Then my family would meet Lucy. I didn't sleep well that night.
The First Nowell
26.12.03 17:56